if it happens, it happens &ill feel the same
12.31.05
Sometimes I say way too much; sometimes I'm too honest. As much as I want to expess myself and tell everyone allthe good things I think about htem so they'll never doubt me, sometimes people just don't want to hear it. In some cases it's because the person just doesn't think as highly of you, so it's just awkward, but other times people just... don't want to know.

I've always tried really hard to make people smile. That's the only way I'm happy.
I was talking to Alexa online last night and she random told me to choose between love or laughter. I chose laughter. To me there is no boundary between the two. I love to make people laugh, or know that they are happy through their laughter. It's hard for me to be happy when others around me aren't; what good is that? It makes it that much better when there's someone there beside me just as happy.

I try to focus on little things, to see if it will make people smile. I've always liekd the idea of people leaving me random notes just to say hi, or random pictures just because, so I do that for people. It's nice when someone offers to buy you something small, even though they know you have the money, it's the gesture that counts.

I don't know. A lot of my efforts seem so pointless, though. I've given up drawing for people, they rather get ripped up, given away, lost or thrown away. I don't like writing people notes, a lot of people don't seem to like being told that they're appreciated. From talking to people around me, I'm starting to feel kind of intrusive for calling people for the sole purpose of saying hi.

All of it is making me rather depressed about the human race, in general. Not just the age group, but just... everything.

I try not to expect anything out of people. I just hope for some goodness. That hope is fading.

Written at 12:31 pm